Ohio the Beautiful . . .

Dear Friends:

I love the seasons and I LOVE Ohio!

And here are a few of my favorite things...

  • dark, arctic, sunless winters
  • dry, scaly, and itchy skin
  • cloudy and damp cold springs
  • crater sized pot holes
  • hot, buggy, muggy, and suffocating summers
  • rainy, dark autumn days when the leaves crumble and slowly die
  • eating and sleeping the weekends away
  • drinking and smoking, drinking and smoking, and more drinking and smoking
Sometimes when I visit Florida - where the sun is always bright and the days and nights are warm - I think about my lovely hometown and want to remember all the wonderful things about this special place... so I've created this website to provide an opportunity to enjoy Ohio's beauty anytime.

Please enjoy the following photos. Treasure each one when you feel lonely and depressed. Your spirit will SOAR like the birds that fly south to Florida for 9 months of every Ohio year!

Sincerely,

David E. Howe

Massillon's Niagara Falls...A wonder of the world! Enjoy TURDS eye view! (note: yellow hue is not urine. It's clean, safe, and delicious drinking water). Toilet paper, tampons, condoms, diapers, and soiled underwear add to flavor, color, and aroma of water. Enjoy a delicious cup today!
 

 

Beautiful landscape! (not a compost pile)! Serious $$$$$ inquires only for this lovely, creative design.
 

 

Prime Ohio real estate. Factory front views extra and going fast. Guaranteed gray skies - EVERYDAY! Landfill nearby!

 

 

A priceless view! Who needs the beach? Now where's that golf ball?
 

Ohio's eternal season...CONSTRUCTION!
 

 

 

 

Five Star dining! Eat your heart out NYC! Patio seating available. Parking $50.00 (in rear). Reservations mandatory.

 

 

Big city living at it's best! Sun-drenched skyline! Welcome home!
 

 

 

 

Safe, accessible roads! Don't forget your sunglasses!
 

 

 

 

Beautiful trees line lush lawn! Sorry, basement flooding likely but not guaranteed.
 

 

 

Northern Ohio's Better Home and Gardens "Loft of the Year". Lofts starting at $1,000,000.00! EXTRA: Designer tree and imitation brick included in price! Call NOW! State-of-the-art "wooden" windows (shown above) help block daily barrage of bright sunlight! Front door and railing optional.
 

 

 

 

Pot hole or swimming pool? Got Speedos!
 

 

 

Breathtaking 11am sunrises and 3pm sunsets! Hurry, call your travel agent today!
 

 

 

 

Heaven on Earth!! SPF 50 or higher strongly suggested!
 

 

Smooth sailing. Free alignment on Ohio's roads!


 

Massillon's Autobahn - speeds in excess of 5 mph! Sunglasses and visor required when driving in Ohio!!
 

 

Massillon's solution to super-size! Sorry, camper and dumpster not included with membership fee. Mcdonald's, Wendy's, Burger King and Taco Bell on every corner. CAUTION: FENCE IS ELECTRIC - DO NOT STRADDLE!